so. i'm a bit tired of being in a car. drove -with a friend- down to williams last thursday. drove to davis and back to williams on friday. drove home on saturday. it takes about 6 hours to drive from home to williams... that's a lot of being in a car. especially when it's really hot outside. i would've died if it weren't for air conditioning. but i'm alive. it was worthwhile because i got to visit people. that was the wonderful part. and we stayed in a crazy house with lots of bedrooms and statuettes EVERYWHERE. it reminded me of the voyage of the dawn treader. c.s. lewis, narnia... the island where the monopods - aka dufflepuds - live. there was a huge mansion that lucy had to wander through. there were long hallways with closed doors lining them. the moment i entered the house in williams, that's what i thought of. dufflepuds. that crazy mansion. yup. long dark wooden hallway. quite a curious house. interesting to visit, but i think i'd go crazy if i lived there. too cluttered.
but i am safely home, and yesterday and today went well. much driving. and dog-sitting tomorrow. hurrah! time to read. alone.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
pretend i wrote this yesterday... the fourth of july
all i i did today in the spirit of the holiday was watch the big fireworks at night. as usual, they were spectacular. i especially like the gold weeping willow ones. basically, i like all the gold drapy fireworks. didn't like the flash-bangs as much. i also like purple and green. but the willows are the best, especially when they're still burning when they hit the water. there were also smaller drapy gold ones that curved like evil hands; long fingers growing and reaching... i think as a small child they would have haunted me.
as it has the past few years, the fourth of july almost makes me sad. i remember when i was really little, we'd go to the beach and ooh and aah like the tourists. cause as a child, they were amazing. but then we didn't go for a few years, and when we went back... all my dreams were exploded. the firework show is at least as good, if not better, than it was when i was young, but they were so much more impressive then. my childish mind perceived the actual show as taking much more time than it really does. i thought they lasted at least a half hour, or even a full hour. that's how long it felt like. they went on forever. now, they're over so fast. i'm left wondering "was that it? was that really all there is?" and it's so deflating. it takes all the joy out of the show. it really is a nice show, but it's so much less than i expect. they're not as big or loud as i remember. they just don't impress me. perhaps i'm jaded?
i still love when the ocean lights up as bright as day, with an even brighter trail reflected from the ascent of the firework. i love when the sky is full of explosions and color falling in an arc. i still hate the smoke, the crowds. and the cold. i no longer love the small fireworks; they're so paltry, stupid, foolish, next to the big ones. and they're all show, nothing real.
sometimes i wonder if it would be better for children to be kept away from the most marvelous, beautiful things. if they never see them, they won't form such wonderful memories, and they won't be so harshly disappointed when they see them again. but perhaps, even if they've never seen them until adulthood, the wonder and awe still won't be there? perhaps then they won't even have the memories. it will all be bland and dull?
course, i would enjoy the fireworks more if i enjoyed the company more. if there was someone i wanted to be sitting next to, someone who wouldn't make snide comments, someone who i just liked being near. a great part of "going to see the fireworks" is seeing people. and if there's nobody to see, what's the point?
as it has the past few years, the fourth of july almost makes me sad. i remember when i was really little, we'd go to the beach and ooh and aah like the tourists. cause as a child, they were amazing. but then we didn't go for a few years, and when we went back... all my dreams were exploded. the firework show is at least as good, if not better, than it was when i was young, but they were so much more impressive then. my childish mind perceived the actual show as taking much more time than it really does. i thought they lasted at least a half hour, or even a full hour. that's how long it felt like. they went on forever. now, they're over so fast. i'm left wondering "was that it? was that really all there is?" and it's so deflating. it takes all the joy out of the show. it really is a nice show, but it's so much less than i expect. they're not as big or loud as i remember. they just don't impress me. perhaps i'm jaded?
i still love when the ocean lights up as bright as day, with an even brighter trail reflected from the ascent of the firework. i love when the sky is full of explosions and color falling in an arc. i still hate the smoke, the crowds. and the cold. i no longer love the small fireworks; they're so paltry, stupid, foolish, next to the big ones. and they're all show, nothing real.
sometimes i wonder if it would be better for children to be kept away from the most marvelous, beautiful things. if they never see them, they won't form such wonderful memories, and they won't be so harshly disappointed when they see them again. but perhaps, even if they've never seen them until adulthood, the wonder and awe still won't be there? perhaps then they won't even have the memories. it will all be bland and dull?
course, i would enjoy the fireworks more if i enjoyed the company more. if there was someone i wanted to be sitting next to, someone who wouldn't make snide comments, someone who i just liked being near. a great part of "going to see the fireworks" is seeing people. and if there's nobody to see, what's the point?
Sunday, July 02, 2006
parties
wow. two parties in three days. not for me... one, for my sister. the other, for a friend's brother. the one for my sister... it was just a bunch of her friends (who i like very much) hanging at our house. so i got to play random games with them. this was a version of "helping with the party." granted, i also made some goodies. but still, rather a good deal. for the other, i "checked in" the arriving guests, told them where to park; mostly sat around and laughed and talked and played silly childish games with a friend; AND i got paid. and fed. good deal. especially since the sun came out and it turned into a gorgeous day. truly summer.
course, as a result of this intensive interaction with relatively large numbers of people, i'm a bit tired of them. i wish to be left alone. but i can't, cause tomorrow's sunday, and very busy, and then the fourth of july is tuesday, SO my business will continue. and my slow (or not so slow) slide towards insanity and completely blowing up at everyone will continue. must calm down. but cannot whilst buried in people. pray that i survive.
course, as a result of this intensive interaction with relatively large numbers of people, i'm a bit tired of them. i wish to be left alone. but i can't, cause tomorrow's sunday, and very busy, and then the fourth of july is tuesday, SO my business will continue. and my slow (or not so slow) slide towards insanity and completely blowing up at everyone will continue. must calm down. but cannot whilst buried in people. pray that i survive.
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