The beginning of a (mostly) fictional blurb inspired by my recent time in India. More writings from India will follow, I am sure, but here is just a piece.
One thing led to another, and I found myself suddenly outside of the city. A lonely windsock rippled over an empty airfield, and on the other side of the curling road trees shielded laughing children from my curiousity. Underneath the crumbling bridge I stood on, water sidled more than flowed - sidled and stunk. But then, all the waterways stank here. That was just one more thing I had learned to deal with.
My feet were tired, too, tired, dusty, and hot. It would have been refreshing to rest on the bridge, sitting on the edge, enjoying the wind... and breathing raw sewage. So I kept going, keeping to the shady side of the road. Surprisingly, there were few travelers here. It always surprises me, in cities, how one block away from scuttling crowds will dwell silence. No cacophonous autorickshaw horns, no shouts, no hacking motors ran this street. Occasionally a lone biker bounced past me, but other than that, I was alone.
I wasn't supposed to be by myself - the standard procedure was to go out in pairs at least. "Don't wander off by yourself," our leaders warned, "it's not safe, especially for women." One part of my brain knew this - and knew that an isolated, quiet path was the perfect place for something terrible to ruin my trip. But another part of my mind, and most of my heart, revelled in this - in the green, the distant laughter, the silence, just me, the sky, and a bit of country in the middle of the city.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Unexpected (Glory)
I double-checked my email just now - and with the gift I was given last night, I need less than $100 for India. And I am amazed.
It also turns out that I will be going over un-vaccinated. This is mostly due to me waiting until too late to take care of such things, but the odd part? I find myself less freaked out by the idea of going over "unprotected" than I was by the thought of getting all those vaccines. Unusual. But I'm remarkably unworried. I trust God's protection and my discretion more than I trust the drug company's concoctions. Hm.
And I feel strong(er)! Last Saturday I joined with many many other people doing 100 reps of an exercise a day... this will last 100 days. I'm not exercising with anyone else right now, and I'm mixing it up, doing somewhere between 10 and 20 reps each of several exercises, mostly because I'm not strong enough yet to do 100 of anything. But I WILL be. Oh, yes, I will be. The piece that is most unexpected is how quickly I'm noticing change... on Day 5, boy, did I feel stronger than on Day 1! Five days! If five days can make such a difference...
This is especially encouraging since I've spent the last 5 or so years of my life feeling weaker and weaker. At first, it was simply a lessening of activity. Then, with all the crazy health problems, I just felt muddy, and while the long process of changing and refining my diet has done wonders, simply eating differently doesn't help regain muscle. So in all these drastic changes, in all the process of trial and error, I have been slowly but surely losing muscle mass, and losing strength. It's been bothering me increasingly since last fall, but I haven't known what to do. Where does one start? If I've never had a work-out regimen, never been an athlete, and have generally very little strength, how do I start building my body back up?
Then I heard about this 100 Reps for 100 Days challenge. And it's enough of an external impetus to help me get going. Even though I'm not vocally a part of it, I read what others are doing, and take ideas from them. I know that it's do-able. And I can already tell, less than a week in, that it's making a difference. My body is saying "aha! finally!" and it feels good. Now, I recognize that I need to not overdo it. I tend to push myself too hard, too fast, and hurt myself enough to discourage or break the pattern. Don't want to do that here. Not going to do that. Not this time. But I AM getting stronger!! And this is amazing.
Our new apartment finally has gas, too. This morning they turned it on, so I cooked my first meal (eggses) in my new place, and it was wonderful.
My aunt contacted me yesterday, asking "would you like your great-grandmother's sewing machine?" Umm, yes! She's visiting Boston later this summer, and will bring me a not-too-terribly old, barely-used sewing machine with its very own beautiful table. Family heirloom of sorts? Yup. And I'll have a sewing machine! Rather unexpected.
Last night, we had our last prep for India. After going over logistics, we prayed, both in our Rickshaw teams, and all together. And it was glory-filled. It's hard to put into words how I feel about these people, and their compassion, and their faith, and the excitement that's building among us. What will it be like? We don't know. But there is so much freedom and encouragement in the group, so much love and patience and thankfulness. I'm just glad I'll get to spend time with them!
Daily more puzzle pieces become clear. A year ago, I remember being frustrated by how unclear and undefined everything was. I couldn't figure out what any of the pieces of my life were, much less how they might potentially fit together. Maybe much of what needed to happen was shifting in me, so that I would be the right shape to hold the right pieces. But over the past month especially, every week it seems more pieces turn up. I can see their colour, their shape, some of the edges. Some of them have been lurking, undefined, for years, and only recently have been allowed to breathe and dream. Some are more recent. But it's exciting. I'm looking down at my hands, and they aren't empty any more! I look around my feet, and there are objects, dreams, hopes, passions, just waiting to be picked up and made into something beautiful.
When I get back in two weeks, how much more will have fallen into place? Or be ready? How quickly is it possible for things to change? To shift, settle, and build? How do I handle this stirring in me, the unbearable excitement of being, of desire, of wholeness and becoming? How do I keep still, keep quiet, when I want to dance wildly and sing at the top of my lungs that my life is starting to make a little more sense, and I am starting to be genuinely healthy, and I am learning how to love people and love myself, and this life is a beautiful, wonderful, glorious thing, and how, oh how, can it keep getting better at this rate without something exploding?!?
You break every chain,
and mend every heart,
You hold all my pain,
and take me apart,
and then when I'm weak,
and broken left falling down,
You reach down,
take my hand,
and say: Dance with Me, My love.
It also turns out that I will be going over un-vaccinated. This is mostly due to me waiting until too late to take care of such things, but the odd part? I find myself less freaked out by the idea of going over "unprotected" than I was by the thought of getting all those vaccines. Unusual. But I'm remarkably unworried. I trust God's protection and my discretion more than I trust the drug company's concoctions. Hm.
And I feel strong(er)! Last Saturday I joined with many many other people doing 100 reps of an exercise a day... this will last 100 days. I'm not exercising with anyone else right now, and I'm mixing it up, doing somewhere between 10 and 20 reps each of several exercises, mostly because I'm not strong enough yet to do 100 of anything. But I WILL be. Oh, yes, I will be. The piece that is most unexpected is how quickly I'm noticing change... on Day 5, boy, did I feel stronger than on Day 1! Five days! If five days can make such a difference...
This is especially encouraging since I've spent the last 5 or so years of my life feeling weaker and weaker. At first, it was simply a lessening of activity. Then, with all the crazy health problems, I just felt muddy, and while the long process of changing and refining my diet has done wonders, simply eating differently doesn't help regain muscle. So in all these drastic changes, in all the process of trial and error, I have been slowly but surely losing muscle mass, and losing strength. It's been bothering me increasingly since last fall, but I haven't known what to do. Where does one start? If I've never had a work-out regimen, never been an athlete, and have generally very little strength, how do I start building my body back up?
Then I heard about this 100 Reps for 100 Days challenge. And it's enough of an external impetus to help me get going. Even though I'm not vocally a part of it, I read what others are doing, and take ideas from them. I know that it's do-able. And I can already tell, less than a week in, that it's making a difference. My body is saying "aha! finally!" and it feels good. Now, I recognize that I need to not overdo it. I tend to push myself too hard, too fast, and hurt myself enough to discourage or break the pattern. Don't want to do that here. Not going to do that. Not this time. But I AM getting stronger!! And this is amazing.
Our new apartment finally has gas, too. This morning they turned it on, so I cooked my first meal (eggses) in my new place, and it was wonderful.
My aunt contacted me yesterday, asking "would you like your great-grandmother's sewing machine?" Umm, yes! She's visiting Boston later this summer, and will bring me a not-too-terribly old, barely-used sewing machine with its very own beautiful table. Family heirloom of sorts? Yup. And I'll have a sewing machine! Rather unexpected.
Last night, we had our last prep for India. After going over logistics, we prayed, both in our Rickshaw teams, and all together. And it was glory-filled. It's hard to put into words how I feel about these people, and their compassion, and their faith, and the excitement that's building among us. What will it be like? We don't know. But there is so much freedom and encouragement in the group, so much love and patience and thankfulness. I'm just glad I'll get to spend time with them!
Daily more puzzle pieces become clear. A year ago, I remember being frustrated by how unclear and undefined everything was. I couldn't figure out what any of the pieces of my life were, much less how they might potentially fit together. Maybe much of what needed to happen was shifting in me, so that I would be the right shape to hold the right pieces. But over the past month especially, every week it seems more pieces turn up. I can see their colour, their shape, some of the edges. Some of them have been lurking, undefined, for years, and only recently have been allowed to breathe and dream. Some are more recent. But it's exciting. I'm looking down at my hands, and they aren't empty any more! I look around my feet, and there are objects, dreams, hopes, passions, just waiting to be picked up and made into something beautiful.
When I get back in two weeks, how much more will have fallen into place? Or be ready? How quickly is it possible for things to change? To shift, settle, and build? How do I handle this stirring in me, the unbearable excitement of being, of desire, of wholeness and becoming? How do I keep still, keep quiet, when I want to dance wildly and sing at the top of my lungs that my life is starting to make a little more sense, and I am starting to be genuinely healthy, and I am learning how to love people and love myself, and this life is a beautiful, wonderful, glorious thing, and how, oh how, can it keep getting better at this rate without something exploding?!?
You break every chain,
and mend every heart,
You hold all my pain,
and take me apart,
and then when I'm weak,
and broken left falling down,
You reach down,
take my hand,
and say: Dance with Me, My love.
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
What do you do?
What do you do when you're hungry, tired, and just a wee bit overwhelmed? When thunder rumbles the overhead clouds and wind flusters the new leaves?
Go on a walk.
This is wild weather; weather for rejoicing. Weather for crazy dances and exhilarated sprints. This is the weather for spinning on the grass, arms out, palms up, waiting for the rain to come pelting down. This is the weather to be outside. This is weather.
My unpacking overwhelms me, because I do not have anything to put things in. I have no furniture. Sigh. So I sit on my little stepstool, sing with my music, and look blankly at my room. Ineffective, thus, break-time.
But then I realize exactly how hungry I am. Hungry enough that if I go walking first, I will be starving and in no shape to cook. So I pack my little tote bag, trot to my friends' house, and start cooking. Once I've eaten my buffalo and veggies, then I shall go to the water.
I don't care that there's a tornado watch out. I'm shorter than everything else; the lightning won't hit me. So what if I'm going to the beach; what better place to watch the sky than there?
What else am I going to do?
I've been moving so much the past few days that holding still for so long at work today has left me with a deep desire to move. I want to walk, run, carry things, throw things... ooh, yes, throw things. I want to run around. I want it to rain so that I can dance in the rain. I want the wind to nearly knock me over. I want to dodge lightning, mock thunder, drink rain.
I want to revel in the wildness.
Will you come be wild with me?
Go on a walk.
This is wild weather; weather for rejoicing. Weather for crazy dances and exhilarated sprints. This is the weather for spinning on the grass, arms out, palms up, waiting for the rain to come pelting down. This is the weather to be outside. This is weather.
My unpacking overwhelms me, because I do not have anything to put things in. I have no furniture. Sigh. So I sit on my little stepstool, sing with my music, and look blankly at my room. Ineffective, thus, break-time.
But then I realize exactly how hungry I am. Hungry enough that if I go walking first, I will be starving and in no shape to cook. So I pack my little tote bag, trot to my friends' house, and start cooking. Once I've eaten my buffalo and veggies, then I shall go to the water.
I don't care that there's a tornado watch out. I'm shorter than everything else; the lightning won't hit me. So what if I'm going to the beach; what better place to watch the sky than there?
What else am I going to do?
I've been moving so much the past few days that holding still for so long at work today has left me with a deep desire to move. I want to walk, run, carry things, throw things... ooh, yes, throw things. I want to run around. I want it to rain so that I can dance in the rain. I want the wind to nearly knock me over. I want to dodge lightning, mock thunder, drink rain.
I want to revel in the wildness.
Will you come be wild with me?
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