anybody heard of unity valkyrie? i hadn't... she was enamoured of hitler. i'm reading a biography of her and her sisters. but my goodness, what a name. unity valkyrie. crazy. glad that's not my name.
and i want to strangle fairytales. they're not even coherent. they're the sort of thing a very optimistic person would dream. and not day-dream; night-time dream. real dreaming. maybe that's what happened... all the writers of fairytales dreamt them, then woke up and wrote it down. and the grimm brothers and hans christian andersen... maybe their stories are so weird because their food disagreed with them. someone was poisoning them, perhaps? or they took drugs... "hey, bro, look what i found!" "mushrooms! oooh, and they're purple! let's eat them!" "ok, dude. you first" next morning... "bro, i had the weirdest dream last night..."
and is it coincidence that i keep accidentally typing fairlytales instead of fairytales? fairlytales, hmmm? maybe my fingers have very small brains in them. anyway, stereotypical fairytales (the disney kind) are ridiculous. i very strongly dislike them. if a child is raised on them, how disappointed they are going to be when life slaps them across the face! and when "first sight" leads to pain and rain instead of "true love" and "happily ever after." and i'm not just bitter... all right, i'm a little bitter. but there's more to my dislike than sheer bitterness. it's opaque bitterness... no, it's just that the disney fairytales are so unreal, so wrong, such lies. i don't like lies. at all. especially when they infiltrate our consciousnesses and color our perception of the world. but, somewhere inside me, in a pocket i try desperately to crush, lives a hope - albeit small - that something like a fairytale will happen to me. you know, the dream of someone who absolutely adores you, and will battle dragons and small animals just to be with you. i admit it, i have a bit of the romantic in me. who would've guessed?
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Friday, June 23, 2006
graduation!
so, my brother is officially finished, forever, with high school. my grandparents arrived, and went... but i abandoned the parental faction to wander on my own. saw (and talked to) quite a few of my old buddies - so many of us, it seems, had sibling graduating today. good to see them. reminds me, once again, that i underestimate my old high school buddies. some pretty cool people, them.
the graduation went as all do - a little boring. and long. and i didn't know all that many of the graduates. and, as always, a bunch of them snuck beach balls out, and tossed them, and lost them to the principal. every year, without fail, someone does that. don't understand. but then it finished. lalala. WARNING: Rant Following...
so, safe and sober grad night... good idea, right? but stupid planners... so, this year it started RIGHT AFTER graduation. no time for family dinners. or gifts. or anything. it started right away. and, get this, it ends at 3:00am. three o'clock in the morning!! who in their right mind would schedule a safe and sober grad night to end at three o'clock in the morning??!! who? not only is that stupid by defeating the whole purpose (keeping kids out of trouble ALL night), but then they have to drive home at 3am. of all the times to drive! so, we wait until the kids are at their tiredest, and send them out to drive in the dark! real smart. or, if the kids don't drive, their parents have to pick them up. so it's the night after graduation, and your parents have to stay up until 3am, or get up then, just to bring you home. hello?? bad planning? maybe? i was willing to stay up to bring my brother home, but we don't think siblings are permitted to pick them up. and my bro was going to call if it was ok for me to pick him up instead of mom. but... he hasn't. which probably means that they don't permit cell-phones. so all they're accomplishing tonight? creating a bunch of very tired people. and the party kids are either a)not at safe and sober, but partying, and possibly driving drunk at odd hours, cause kids here are dumb and drive when they shouldn't, or b)waiting until after safe and sober to go party, since at 3, it's still not morning yet. not exactly a situation which pleases me. or anyone i've spoken to. bad planning. bad, bad, bad. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ok, Rant Ended. anyway, my sister also had a party immediately following graduation, so guess what? it was me, the parents, and the grandparents for dinner. my siblings all left me. but it wasn't too bad. and i was very happy to see some of the people i saw. very much goodness. although it was cold, cause of the wind. so i got a little chilled. but oh well. and the choir sang the song we sang umm... either my sophomore or junior year. so i knew it. and once they started singing, i realized i remembered the whole thing. which is a little creepy. after four years? i still remember it. and it's some sappy i will remember you song. it's also weird watching my brother graduate. and some of the others i knew. my last friends from choir graduated. i feel old. it brings back so many memories of things i did, and things i didn't do. wish i could go back sometimes, and actually get to know some people more. but i can't, so i'll just have to try now. and keep reminding myself that people are cool. they are my friends. and i like them. don't know exactly why, but i do. so there. tell gollum to shut up. go away, and never come back. what? i said, go away and never come back! ggggrrr GO AWAY, and NEVER come back!! yeah. so hah. peoples are our friends. nice peoples. never meant to hurt us.
oy. i think i need some sleep...
the graduation went as all do - a little boring. and long. and i didn't know all that many of the graduates. and, as always, a bunch of them snuck beach balls out, and tossed them, and lost them to the principal. every year, without fail, someone does that. don't understand. but then it finished. lalala. WARNING: Rant Following...
so, safe and sober grad night... good idea, right? but stupid planners... so, this year it started RIGHT AFTER graduation. no time for family dinners. or gifts. or anything. it started right away. and, get this, it ends at 3:00am. three o'clock in the morning!! who in their right mind would schedule a safe and sober grad night to end at three o'clock in the morning??!! who? not only is that stupid by defeating the whole purpose (keeping kids out of trouble ALL night), but then they have to drive home at 3am. of all the times to drive! so, we wait until the kids are at their tiredest, and send them out to drive in the dark! real smart. or, if the kids don't drive, their parents have to pick them up. so it's the night after graduation, and your parents have to stay up until 3am, or get up then, just to bring you home. hello?? bad planning? maybe? i was willing to stay up to bring my brother home, but we don't think siblings are permitted to pick them up. and my bro was going to call if it was ok for me to pick him up instead of mom. but... he hasn't. which probably means that they don't permit cell-phones. so all they're accomplishing tonight? creating a bunch of very tired people. and the party kids are either a)not at safe and sober, but partying, and possibly driving drunk at odd hours, cause kids here are dumb and drive when they shouldn't, or b)waiting until after safe and sober to go party, since at 3, it's still not morning yet. not exactly a situation which pleases me. or anyone i've spoken to. bad planning. bad, bad, bad. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ok, Rant Ended. anyway, my sister also had a party immediately following graduation, so guess what? it was me, the parents, and the grandparents for dinner. my siblings all left me. but it wasn't too bad. and i was very happy to see some of the people i saw. very much goodness. although it was cold, cause of the wind. so i got a little chilled. but oh well. and the choir sang the song we sang umm... either my sophomore or junior year. so i knew it. and once they started singing, i realized i remembered the whole thing. which is a little creepy. after four years? i still remember it. and it's some sappy i will remember you song. it's also weird watching my brother graduate. and some of the others i knew. my last friends from choir graduated. i feel old. it brings back so many memories of things i did, and things i didn't do. wish i could go back sometimes, and actually get to know some people more. but i can't, so i'll just have to try now. and keep reminding myself that people are cool. they are my friends. and i like them. don't know exactly why, but i do. so there. tell gollum to shut up. go away, and never come back. what? i said, go away and never come back! ggggrrr GO AWAY, and NEVER come back!! yeah. so hah. peoples are our friends. nice peoples. never meant to hurt us.
oy. i think i need some sleep...
Thursday, June 22, 2006
wow it's tomorrow... i'm getting old...
my brother's graduating from high school tomorrow! so strange. we've been cleaning madly all day, cause grandparents are arriving tomorrow to go to the graduation. i just cut a bunch of random stuff around the bases of the fruit trees... i love living in the country! and it's a gorgeous day, so we could open all the windows while cleaning.
it's amazing how complicated life is - even when it's simple. and how beautiful nature is. i must admit that, as much as i like snow, it's so much better to have everything green and nice. and the cherries are ripening on the trees. and apples are forming. the wild roses are bright and pink. the wisteria is no longer blooming - now its leaves canopy the arbor in shadows. since the tractor was broken, and we couldn't mow the lawn, each time the wind gusts across the clearing, clouds of pollen blow up and cover everything. but dad just fixed the tractor, so next week we'll mow.
and i still remember the greek alphabet! yay! i actually memorized something! this makes me happy. (alpha beta gamma delta epsilon zeta eta theta iota kappa lambda mu nu xi omicron pi rho sigma tau upsilon phi chi psi omega)
and my sword arrived yesterday. so i got to show it off; it made my family smile. they like it. more importantly, i do to. i have a ninja sword! now i just need a costume... and i will be sneaky. and i will be quiet and swift. and the world will drop into silence. just me and the trees... just me and the shifting shadows...
it's amazing how complicated life is - even when it's simple. and how beautiful nature is. i must admit that, as much as i like snow, it's so much better to have everything green and nice. and the cherries are ripening on the trees. and apples are forming. the wild roses are bright and pink. the wisteria is no longer blooming - now its leaves canopy the arbor in shadows. since the tractor was broken, and we couldn't mow the lawn, each time the wind gusts across the clearing, clouds of pollen blow up and cover everything. but dad just fixed the tractor, so next week we'll mow.
and i still remember the greek alphabet! yay! i actually memorized something! this makes me happy. (alpha beta gamma delta epsilon zeta eta theta iota kappa lambda mu nu xi omicron pi rho sigma tau upsilon phi chi psi omega)
and my sword arrived yesterday. so i got to show it off; it made my family smile. they like it. more importantly, i do to. i have a ninja sword! now i just need a costume... and i will be sneaky. and i will be quiet and swift. and the world will drop into silence. just me and the trees... just me and the shifting shadows...
Saturday, June 17, 2006
ice cream sandwich
i was writing a rant in a journal this afternoon. it was going quite well; thoughts were flowing, getting out. then dad interrupted to ask if i wanted an ice cream sandwich. of course i did. so i stopped writing to eat. and after, the rant just wasn't there anymore. it's impossible to rant just after eating an ice cream sandwich. they make everything smiling inside, especially when the sun is shining too. yum.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
june 14th!
w00t! my parents have now been married for 26 years. such a strange thought. i was at home alone most of the day, since dawn's down in socal, so i did the most fun & useful thing i could think of: laundry! so good to get it done... and to not have to pay. then i got a phone call from an olin friend (thanks, liz!) and that just made my day. so good to talk to someone. (hint, hint... call me, people, if you have time!) it's misting again, so it's a little grey in the skies. but the greens are so clean and bright when it mists. and mom made cookies last night. oh, and i should never watch a movie about crazy people again. it's way to easy to start acting insane, especially after seeing people getting away with it. sane and sober - those are the influences i need.
and, golly, it's so weird when you hear of people not much older than you getting married. makes me wonder: is there something odd about me, that i'm no closer to marriage than i've ever been? and i know people younger who already have what, 2, 3 kids! i feel old. if i'm doomed to be an old maid, i hope these feelings wear out quickly... grrr...
and, golly, it's so weird when you hear of people not much older than you getting married. makes me wonder: is there something odd about me, that i'm no closer to marriage than i've ever been? and i know people younger who already have what, 2, 3 kids! i feel old. if i'm doomed to be an old maid, i hope these feelings wear out quickly... grrr...
Sunday, June 11, 2006
about thursday
thursday i went to the high school's spring choral concert. the experience felt rather surreal. after all, two short years ago, i was one of those well-dressed students singing my heart out for the audience. now, i'm watching. not participating. to add to this feeling of detachment, this was the first choir concert i've heard since i graduated. so i went from in choir, to two years on the opposite coast, to sitting and listening. all this was made even stranger by the fact that they sang one of the songs we sang my sophomore year - when david heard. it's a gorgeous piece - the kind that gives shivers and pulls off your skin. love it. but... the high school choir had between 24 and 26 members, and... there are 18 parts in a few sections. it's the only song i've ever seen with 18 parts. it's this wonderful, huge tone cluster that sounds awful unless done by human voices. of course, the pitches must be perfect for it to ring correctly. and i know that song. not only did i sing it four years ago, but i have a very good recording of it (BYU concert choir, i think) which i've listened to quite a bit since then. so now, when i hear david, i hear it done perfectly - the right pitches, great blend. although i do like lindy's directorial interpretation better... so when madrigals sang david on thursday, it was painful. the first two chords were off... so it started badly. most of the normal 8-part sections they did ok on. but they had issues with timing and pitch, and that sort of thing really bothers me. i'm afraid i'd rather have a choir not blend, but hit the correct pitches than the other way around. this year's choir blends well. i grant them that. my choir didn't - we had too many people with solo voices who just didn't blend. but i think we had more people capable of holding their own pitch, against pitches only a half step or one whole step away. (the tone cluster starts on the A at the bottom of bass clef... goes to the D above it, then the E right next to that, then F, G, A, Bb, C, D, E, F, G, A, Bb, C,
D, E, and ending on F in the first sopranoes.) in my choir, both first soprano notes (E and F) were hit. in this choir... the top note was missing every dang time. it drove me crazy. that note is more important than the E, especially since the cluster resolves to a chord with that F on top. grrr. i don't actually know how my choir sounded singing this piece, but i know this choir did
NOT do it justice. for a high school choir, it was impressive... but in all honesty, what high school choir - especially one from a public county high school of under 1000 students - can be expected to do justice to a piece of this caliber? it's by eric whitacre, whose stuff is crazy to begin with, and when david heard is possibly the most difficult piece i have EVER seen. and that's saying something - i've seen a lot. so anyway, i was disappointed by that song... but they did a good job on cloudburst (another whitacre piece, in spanish), probably partly cause they've been singing it so long. and the harmonies are easier. and o sifuni mungu sounded great. the soloes at the beginning were especially good (and no, i'm not saying this just because my brother was one of them). so basically, david was the only piece they biffed. and there's no way they could've done it convincely anyway. with 18 parts for over 8 long measures, if only one person is on a part, they must breath, so they can't get the continuity. but, one good thing, the sopranoes got their top high C very well. that was good.
then afterwards, it was the standard denny's run. i got roped into coming by a couple people from my year... it went ok. but there's nothing like watching and hearing a group of kids very loudly enjoying themselves to make you feel left out and lacking in any social life. yar. i miss seeing people every day. i need to call people more...
but things are ok now. i've got the first season of lost, which i'm going to watch. haven't seen any of it, but it sounds interesting. we'll see what i think. life goes on...
D, E, and ending on F in the first sopranoes.) in my choir, both first soprano notes (E and F) were hit. in this choir... the top note was missing every dang time. it drove me crazy. that note is more important than the E, especially since the cluster resolves to a chord with that F on top. grrr. i don't actually know how my choir sounded singing this piece, but i know this choir did
NOT do it justice. for a high school choir, it was impressive... but in all honesty, what high school choir - especially one from a public county high school of under 1000 students - can be expected to do justice to a piece of this caliber? it's by eric whitacre, whose stuff is crazy to begin with, and when david heard is possibly the most difficult piece i have EVER seen. and that's saying something - i've seen a lot. so anyway, i was disappointed by that song... but they did a good job on cloudburst (another whitacre piece, in spanish), probably partly cause they've been singing it so long. and the harmonies are easier. and o sifuni mungu sounded great. the soloes at the beginning were especially good (and no, i'm not saying this just because my brother was one of them). so basically, david was the only piece they biffed. and there's no way they could've done it convincely anyway. with 18 parts for over 8 long measures, if only one person is on a part, they must breath, so they can't get the continuity. but, one good thing, the sopranoes got their top high C very well. that was good.
then afterwards, it was the standard denny's run. i got roped into coming by a couple people from my year... it went ok. but there's nothing like watching and hearing a group of kids very loudly enjoying themselves to make you feel left out and lacking in any social life. yar. i miss seeing people every day. i need to call people more...
but things are ok now. i've got the first season of lost, which i'm going to watch. haven't seen any of it, but it sounds interesting. we'll see what i think. life goes on...
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
beachness
went to the beach this evening... got there right after the sun had set, so got to see the beautiful colors. chilled out with some high school friends... one's headed to nepal tomorrow. good talks...
but right as i got there, oh it was beautiful. my muse called me, so i just sat in my car for awhile. the following is part of what came out:
color and smoke and the sound of the sea
piling and leading to eternity
the cold and the wind sing over the waves
smelling of salt run the nights and the days
sand falls and shifts under hazy blue skies
rocks, eaten slowly, meet every sun's rise
footprints are melted beneath a bright moon
driftwood is molded by stormy waves' tune
all this meets here at the edge of the sea
where past, present, future, meet eternity
thar it is. in other news, i am growing increasingly fond of the Lord of the Rings - both books and movies, and at this rate, i'm frightened to think what i might be this time next year. don't worry, though. i'm not obssessed. and never will be. color and smoke. life is all colors and smoke...
but right as i got there, oh it was beautiful. my muse called me, so i just sat in my car for awhile. the following is part of what came out:
color and smoke and the sound of the sea
piling and leading to eternity
the cold and the wind sing over the waves
smelling of salt run the nights and the days
sand falls and shifts under hazy blue skies
rocks, eaten slowly, meet every sun's rise
footprints are melted beneath a bright moon
driftwood is molded by stormy waves' tune
all this meets here at the edge of the sea
where past, present, future, meet eternity
thar it is. in other news, i am growing increasingly fond of the Lord of the Rings - both books and movies, and at this rate, i'm frightened to think what i might be this time next year. don't worry, though. i'm not obssessed. and never will be. color and smoke. life is all colors and smoke...
Thursday, June 01, 2006
EXTREME HAPPINESS
Riding on a calypso high... Cannot quite think of words to adequately describe how happy I am right now...
Just came back from the high school's spring band concert. Stage, Steel, and Concert bands performed. The performances were great... Stage was rockin' - Cruisin for a Bluesin is one hot piece, and I love Birdland. Concert played a PDQ Bach piece, which, true to form, was hilarious and ridiculous. Loved it. Listening to Steel was, as always, rather weird. Especially since they played both Mars and Hoedown, and I played both those... But they did a good job. I just can't be satisfied with listening to them.
Then came the end of the show... Steel always closes informally... the second cello player WASN'T there. So... I played. We played some songs I knew... After two years, it's amazing how quickly my hands remember where everything is. Oh, goodness... I LOVE Steel Band. It's the most fun group in ever to play with... I miss it so much. Playing with them just made my day, my evening... It doesn't just make me happy; it makes me more complete. It heals my insides. Playing Little Sunflower refreshes me. So glad I went. So glad the cello player let me play. So glad David chose pieces I knew. So glad. So happy. My best memories of high school are connected to steel... Right now, even though it's raining, my world is nearly perfect. I'm so happy I want to cry. Beauty and joy come in the most unexpected, simple ways... My insides are smiling so hard it hurts.
Just came back from the high school's spring band concert. Stage, Steel, and Concert bands performed. The performances were great... Stage was rockin' - Cruisin for a Bluesin is one hot piece, and I love Birdland. Concert played a PDQ Bach piece, which, true to form, was hilarious and ridiculous. Loved it. Listening to Steel was, as always, rather weird. Especially since they played both Mars and Hoedown, and I played both those... But they did a good job. I just can't be satisfied with listening to them.
Then came the end of the show... Steel always closes informally... the second cello player WASN'T there. So... I played. We played some songs I knew... After two years, it's amazing how quickly my hands remember where everything is. Oh, goodness... I LOVE Steel Band. It's the most fun group in ever to play with... I miss it so much. Playing with them just made my day, my evening... It doesn't just make me happy; it makes me more complete. It heals my insides. Playing Little Sunflower refreshes me. So glad I went. So glad the cello player let me play. So glad David chose pieces I knew. So glad. So happy. My best memories of high school are connected to steel... Right now, even though it's raining, my world is nearly perfect. I'm so happy I want to cry. Beauty and joy come in the most unexpected, simple ways... My insides are smiling so hard it hurts.
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