Curiosity is a sucker. And I'm full of is; therefore, I am a sucker. The truth of the matter is that, no matter how much I tell myself I've learned to accept not understanding things, I have not. If I feel something is below me (which I admit I ought never to feel, but I do. Silly elitist me...), then I do not might not understanding. It is not worth knowing. But if I feel like I do not understand something that is on par or above me, that is irksome. I willingly admit that I am not gifted at understanding people. Really, they quite confuse me. BUT, if I'm perfectly honest, I understand at least a little. Probably more than I'll admit. I just don't want to say I understand then be proved wrong. So when I come across someone who I cannot fathom, someone I just plain do NOT understand, this bothers me. Perhaps it oughtn't, but it does. Especially... oh dear. Fascination is not permitted. "Not the light!" "I can't help it; it's so beautiful!" That's what fascination is - something you know you don't want to follow, but which draws you inexorably in anyway. Yar. I feel like if I just understood a bit more - if I understood even the smallest bit - then I could stop being so curious. But this being clueless? I can't just let it go! At least with ideas I don't understand, I think about them, research them, figure out what I do and do not know. I have a vague outline. But in this situation, I haven't even got that. No outline. No shadows. Nothing. And, by golly, I want to know!
I don't need to know. It wouldn't necessarily be good for me to know. I have been warned. I have heard the stories. I have read books. I ought to be prepared. But perhaps all those authors of horrid, cheesy romance stories do know a thing or two about a "direct gaze" and mystery. Why is it so doggone difficult to let mysteries remain mysterious? Why are they so much like black holes?
Alright, time to think about something else. I should go wander and find some hugs to distract me. After all, I'm out of school for a week; I should stop thinking about school-related things. Blechh.
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