more recording

so, we're going to record some more. on monday, we're headed back to eureka. hopefully we'll finish all 2 or 3 songs... last time we took all day to record 1 song. yeah, recording's amazingly time-consuming. but it should be good. it will be fun. and i'm going to ask if i can play one of the basses at the store... maybe the one with the really long fingerboard. mmm.

in othe news... you know when you hear something that turns your world inside out? the sort of thing you NEVER expected to hear, that hurts so much inside? much as i've conditioned myself to not be surprised by any "bad" news, or fresh reminder of human failings, it still bothers me. i still feel like my stomach is wrenched and twisted. especially because of reminders of the past, of my own failings. of the things i'm still too ashamed of to tell people about. and the perpetual thought: it could've been me. and what would i have done about it? agony. why are such awful, inexplicable things permitted to happen even to people with the best and purest intentions? why?

but at least it reminds me: love truly forgives. how refreshing that is! how could i survive otherwise? love trusts, hopes, perseveres... and even though those breakings hurt, love remains. and it's not the end of the world.

it frightens me. as much as i have already been broken, in some things i am still whole. as much as i have hurt, have wept, have given up, i've always been left with something, no matter how small. how would i respond if everything were taken? what would i do if the unbrokenness in my life were snapped into pieces? i just hope this never happens to me. who would sustain me?